my star . . . very few people actually know the real reason I got this one and the reason behind it. Usually, I just say it’s for some people who have passed. But it’s only for one specific person …
His birthday was November 3rd, and 12 years later it’s not the first thing that comes to my mind anymore. But it hits me like a ton of bricks about half way through the day. I can’t breathe as I try to hold the tears in while I sit at work. How do I explain to customers I’m crying over someone who passed so long ago . . . someone I barely even knew?
and then I feel guilty
His name was Luke. Even though the large group of teenagers at my church were all friends, We didn’t talk much. He was 4 years older than me, and there was that HUGE crush I didn’t hide very well.
He was tall, dark, handsome, mysterious, … intimidating. I never even tried to be friends with him. I would when I was his age I thought . . .
On July 25th, 2002 he was gone.
I’ve struggled the past 12 years with how his death has affected me. It’s deep, and real . . . sometimes it’s very raw . . . and it’s always full of guilt.
guilt that I shouldn’t miss someone I wasn’t close to this much . . .
guilt that I never tried to be his friend . . .
guilt that I wasn’t the friend to his sister that I should have been . . .
I found out he was gone on the last day of church camp with most of our mutual friends. Our parents all drove down to pick us up and tried to get us to go home early… my father being the most demanding and outspoken of the group. but we stayed . . .
That group of friends from church . . . not all of us were close, some of us barely spoke then, most of us don’t even speak today, but we have history, we have secrets, we have love, and we will always have the memory of Luke.
That night at camp we sat around the fire holding hands and listening to our leaders talk of friendship and the mysteries behind the stars.